A couple of weeks ago, I packed up what felt like half of CAE's Crystals and headed to the Romantastic Book Fair in Albany, Oregon.
And I was nervous.
Like, really nervous.
I had put so much energy into preparing for this event without having any idea how it was going to go. Would people like what I brought? Would they stop at the booth? Would anything sell? Would I remember how to do this?
We had been preparing for weeks, although, in true me fashion, I somehow still waited until the final week to actually finish everything.
So, yes. Some of the stress may have been self inflicted.
But this show ended up being about so much more than selling crystals.
Coming Back to Something I Loved
It had been a while since I had really thrown myself into a vendor event like this.
There is something vulnerable about putting your business on a table in front of strangers. These are things I picked. Things I love. Things I thought someone else might love too.
It feels different than someone shopping online.
You are standing right there.
And thankfully, I wasn't standing there alone.
Cody's sister, Candace, who has pretty much become my built in bestie, helped me plan, decorate and come up with ideas to make the booth feel cute and like us. She brought ideas and creativity when my brain was going in twelve different directions.
And then there was my sister, Tristin.
My rock.
She brought the books, the plants and, more importantly, the stable, grounding energy I didn't realize I was going to need so badly that weekend.
The two of them brought completely different things to the experience, and somehow it was exactly what I needed.
I genuinely don't know how I would have done it without them.
Apparently I Forgot Everything I Know About Crystals
The show got busy.
And apparently somewhere between setting everything up, talking to customers, answering questions and trying to keep track of everything happening around me, my brain decided it was done participating.
Someone would ask me about a crystal I have probably handled a hundred times and suddenly I was staring at it thinking...
What ARE you?
Metaphysical properties?
Gone.
Prices?
Gone.
Words in general?
Questionable.
Everything I normally know just temporarily left my brain.
Oops.
But people shopped.
And one of the things I learned was that sometimes people don't need the biggest, most expensive crystal on the table.
They just want something little that makes them happy.
The little crystals, trinkets and dollar bins were some of the biggest hits. I had also brought a bunch of little crystal animals, and people loved them.
That actually taught me a lot about where I want CAE's Crystals to go next.
Magic doesn't have to be expensive.
Sometimes it is a tiny crystal animal that you saw across a crowded room and immediately decided needed to come home with you.
When All the Love Became a Little Overwhelming
At one point during the show, something happened that I didn't expect.
Everyone started showing up.
Cody and the girls came to support me. My mom came. Cody's parents, Matt and Carla, stopped by and even bought us lunch. Candace was there. My sister was there. Customers were shopping. People were talking.
Everyone was in and around the booth at once.
And suddenly I could feel it.
That familiar feeling of becoming overwhelmed.
There were too many people, too many sounds, too much energy and too many things happening at the same time.
I could feel the anxiety building before I really even understood why.
And the thing I am probably most thankful for is that I didn't have to explain it.
My sister knew.
Candace knew.
They were both watching me closely enough to recognize that I was struggling before I could really put it into words myself.
My sister looked at me and basically told me to get out of my chair and go take a walk.
I didn't really want to.
But I listened.
I walked around and looked at the other booths, although honestly, I wasn't really looking at much of anything.
I was breathing.
Trying to calm myself down.
Trying to come back into my body instead of letting my mind run away with everything happening around me.
And I think there was something really beautiful in knowing that I could walk away because I trusted the people I was leaving behind.
The People Who Help Ground Us
I've talked a lot throughout this journey about my sister being my rock, and she always will be.
Tristin knows me in a way that comes from a lifetime of knowing someone. She knows my history. She knows the versions of me that existed long before CAE's Crystals. She knows when I need help, sometimes before I am willing to admit that I need it.
But one of the unexpected gifts in this season of my life has been Candace.
It's funny to think that I started dating her little brother and somehow ended up with a built in bestie too.
Over time, I have found myself reaching for Candace more and more.
For ideas. For advice. To vent. To laugh. To help me make something cute when I've waited until the last possible minute to finish it.
But also just because I trust her.
Somewhere along the way she has started becoming one of those people I feel safe with. A grounding force close to home that I didn't know I needed.
And that feels really special to me.
It doesn't replace the relationship I have with my sister. I don't think people like that replace one another.
I think sometimes life just gives us more people to hold onto.
There are the people who have known us forever, who have walked through entire chapters beside us.
And then there are the people who unexpectedly walk into the middle of the story and somehow feel like they were supposed to be there all along.
Candace has become one of those people for me.
I didn't go looking for another person to lean on. I certainly didn't expect to find one simply because I fell in love with her little brother.
But here we are.
My sister is still my rock. Candace is becoming my built in bestie. And having both of them beside me at that booth, watching me closely enough to know when I wasn't okay, made me realize something I don't think I fully understood before.
My support system isn't getting smaller.
It's growing.
Maybe that's part of learning to feel safe too.
Learning that you can let new people in without losing the people who have always been there.
Learning that there can be room for both.
And learning that sometimes the people who help ground us aren't always the people we expected to find.
Learning How to Feel Safe in the Good Things
I've written before about grounding, transition, finding home and learning who I am again.
Maybe this was another piece of that journey.
Because sometimes we spend so much time learning how to survive difficult seasons that when life becomes softer, we don't immediately know what to do with it.
There I was, doing something I absolutely love again.
My business was sitting in front of me.
People were buying things.
My boyfriend was there.
The girls were there.
My sister and Candace were there.
My mom was there.
Matt and Carla were there.
I was surrounded by people who genuinely wanted to see me succeed.
I was safe.
I was supported.
And apparently, I still needed to remind my body of that.
That little walk around the vendor fair became my grounding ritual without me even realizing it.
No sage.
No elaborate ritual.
No perfectly placed crystals.
Just breathing, walking and reminding myself where I was.
Sometimes grounding really is that simple.
The Chakras I Think Were Trying to Get My Attention
Looking back at the experience, I can see a few places where my energy felt a little out of balance.
The biggest one was probably my Root Chakra.
The Root Chakra is associated with grounding, security, stability and feeling safe. Even though I knew logically that I was safe, my body was responding to everything happening around me like it needed an escape route.
Then there is my Solar Plexus Chakra.
This one feels especially important right now.
The Solar Plexus is connected with confidence, personal power, self trust and believing in your ability to move forward.
That show reminded me that I am capable of doing this.
Even when I forget a crystal name.
Even when I can't remember a price.
Even when I get overwhelmed.
Even when everything isn't perfect.
I can still do it.
And maybe there was a little Heart Chakra work happening too.
Because the Heart Chakra isn't only about giving love.
Sometimes it is about allowing yourself to receive it.
I think I have gotten pretty good at being the person who shows up for everyone else.
Maybe part of this chapter is learning how to stand still long enough to realize that people are showing up for me too.
Crystals for Grounding, Anxiety and Overwhelming Moments
Of course, I can't write about this experience without talking about crystals.
Crystals aren't a replacement for mental health care or professional treatment for anxiety, but for me they can be meaningful tools for intention, mindfulness and grounding.
Black Tourmaline is one of my favorites for grounding and protection. At a busy event where you are surrounded by people and different energies, this would absolutely be one I would keep nearby.
Smoky Quartz is another beautiful grounding stone. It is often associated with releasing heavy energy and bringing yourself back into the present moment.
Amethyst is one I reach for when I want calm. Its energy is traditionally associated with peace, relaxation and quieting an overactive mind.
Lepidolite is commonly associated with emotional balance, transition and calming energy. It feels especially fitting when you are stepping into something new or returning to something that feels unfamiliar again.
Tiger's Eye is the one I would choose for my Solar Plexus. It is often connected with courage, confidence, grounding and trusting yourself.
And then there is Rose Quartz.
Rose Quartz feels fitting for the lesson I wasn't expecting to learn that weekend.
Letting yourself receive love.
Not just romantic love.
The love of a sister who knows when you need to walk away before you even say anything.
The love of a new built in bestie who is slowly becoming one of your safe places.
The love of a partner and his girls who show up.
Parents who stop by.
People who simply want to see you succeed.
Maybe Rose Quartz isn't just about finding love.
Maybe sometimes it's about finally recognizing how much of it you already have.
Next time I do a vendor show, I think a few of these crystals might need to live underneath my table.
For me just as much as for the customers.
After Everyone Left
Eventually the show ended.
We packed everything back up.
The noise started disappearing.
The crowds were gone.
And I finally got to sit down and breathe.
That was when I really took everything in.
I did it.
Was it perfect?
Absolutely not.
Did I forget things I definitely should know?
Yep.
Did I get overwhelmed?
Definitely.
But I also remembered something important.
I can do this again.
I WANT to do this again.
And I think that matters more than whether every little thing went according to plan.
CAE's Crystals is changing right alongside me. I've talked about wanting to grow beyond just crystals and create something that feels more like the person I am becoming.
This vendor show gave me another little glimpse of what that could look like.
More little treasures.
More affordable finds.
More whimsical pieces.
More things people pick up simply because they make them smile.
And, of course, still plenty of crystals.
Grounding Doesn't Always Mean Standing Still
The Full Moon is coming, and I already know I need a little reset.
Some grounding.
Some chakra work.
Some releasing.
Some intention setting.
I'll share my Full Moon ritual in another blog because I think that deserves a space of its own.
But this experience reminded me that grounding doesn't necessarily mean staying inside your comfort zone.
Sometimes grounding is knowing that you can step outside of it and still find your way back to yourself.
Sometimes anxiety shows up even during beautiful moments.
Sometimes you have to walk away for five minutes.
Sometimes you need your sister to look at you and tell you to get out of the chair.
Sometimes you need a built in bestie who unexpectedly came into your life and somehow became someone you reach for.
Sometimes you need a crystal in your pocket.
And sometimes you need to look around and realize that the grounding you have been searching for isn't something you have to find.
It is already surrounding you.
In your people.
In your passions.
In the things that make you feel like yourself again.
Maybe we spend so much time looking for something to ground us that we forget to notice the roots we've already grown.
And maybe that's what this whole journey has been about.